Recently I was asked to bake THE birthday cake for a celebration of four crumbsnatchers that were turning  1yr old.  I was quite nervous, as I’m no more a professional cake decorator, than I am a rocket scientist.   But I came up with a few clever ideas on my own that were quickly tossed out the door.  The dolls were inappropriate and the sparkling candles were a hazard.   But not to worry, I settled on a cake that was topped with the biggest mound of cotton candy you’ve ever seen. Will I be baking that 6-layer cake again?  Not if my life depended on it!!  Here’s the recipe, as I’d soo prefer you to make this on your own than to request me to whip this up for your next gig.  Dealio?

6 layers of big thanks to Phil (Defalco Photography) for snapping all my suga shenanigans…

• 3 boxes of white cake mix
• 1 1/2 cups of sour cream (don’t even think of buying the low-fat)
• 9 eggs (room temp), sit them in a bowl of hot water for 5 min
• 1 cup of oil
• 3 cups of whole milk (i didn’t say skim!)
• Zest of 2 lemons, 2 limes, 2 oranges, 2 pink grapefruits
• McCormick NEON Food Color

Mix all the above in a ginormous bowl and then divide into 6 individuals bowls.  Use the back of the food color box to come up with some wild colors of your own.  This is how I got the cool cat colors.  Pour into 6 round cake pans and bake 2 at a time at 350 degrees for 30min.  Where to find fresh spun cotton candy?  I found mine at Belmont Park. If you’ve gotten this far in the recipe you are even wackier than I am.  And if you live in San Diego, don’t you even dare ask me to bake this monster again!

Whoever said, “Two’s Company, Three’s a Crowd” was most likely the same dingleberry that said, “Blondes Have All the Fun”.  These bars are a fusion of my Midwest stock and my SoCal flavor.  They’re a voluptuous brown sugar/butter combo spiked with 3 kinds of fruits and nuts.   I say the best things in life come in the number three.  Wouldn’t you agree?

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• 1 stick (1/2 cup) butter
• 2 cups brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1 cup flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 cups mixed nuts (3 types) [I used pecans, walnuts, hazelnuts]
• 2 cups mixed dried fruit (3 types) [I used mango, blueberries, cranberries]
• 2 cups of powdered sugar
• 4 Tbsp of milk

In lg saucepan, melt butter and stir in brown sugar until dissolved.  Remove from heat, cool slightly, then beat in eggs and vanilla. Stir in flour, baking powder, and salt.  Now stir in 1 cup of the nuts and 1 cup of the fruits.  Pour into greased 9″x13″ pan and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.   Cool on rack.  In medium bowl combine powdered sugar and milk, drizzle over bars and top with remaining 1 cup of fruit and 1 cup of nuts.

What have you been chained to all week?  Your crazy-jealous future ex-girlfriend? Facebook?  Work?  Something too naughty for me to print?  We’ve all been chained to something this week, so how about break’n away from your ball and chain, and WHIP up this easy, twisted-delicious no-bake pie?  It’s sweet, salty and creamy.  Leave me a comment about what you’ve been chained to all week, I’d so love to know.

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Crust:

• 1 cup of crushed salty pretzels
• 3 Tbsp sugar (I use raw/turbinado)
• 1 stick of melted butter

Tart Filling:

• 1 cup Ricotta cheese
• 3oz pkg of Lime jello
• 3 limes – zest and juice
• 12 oz frozen whippped topping (thawed)

Combine all crust ingredients and press into Tart pan and bake at 350 degrees for 10 min.  Cool on rack completely before filling.  For filling, combine all in large bowl and spoon into Tart shell.  Refrigerate at least 1 hr before serving.

Optional Pretzel topping:

• 24 pretzels
• 1/2 stick of melted butter
• 1/4 cup of sugar (I use raw/turbinado)

Combine butter and sugar.  Dip pretzels in butter/sugar mixture and place on baking sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes.   I do this the same time I’m baking the crust.  Decorate on top of tart right before serving!

P.S. If you’d like to substitute all of the above ingredients for low-fat, fat-free, and/or sugar-free, go ahead, knock yourself out, that’s just not the way I roll!